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Daily Planner

Your Daily Fucking Planner – Jan. 1, 2018

Posted on December 31, 2017 by The Fucking News

12:00:01am — Drunken dudes at parties around the country kick off the new year by ceremonially launching thousands of new #metoo stories 3am — The sale of…

Quickies

Five Quickies

Posted on December 31, 2017 by The Fucking News

The Census Bureau is weighing a request by the Justice Department to begin asking respondents about their citizenship status, a move which could simultaneously intimidate…

Trump Administration Denies 2017 Drop in Crime, Vows to Crack Down on Crime Even If It Kills You
BFD

Trump Administration Denies 2017 Drop in Crime, Vows to Crack Down on Crime Even If It Kills You

Posted on December 31, 2017 by The Fucking News

After modest upticks in previous years, the nation’s crime rate was set to decrease slightly for 2017, despite a wave of violent crimes striking the…

China Counters Trump Masterstroke with Blindingly Obvious Parry
Economy

China Counters Trump Masterstroke with Blindingly Obvious Parry

Posted on December 31, 2017 by The Fucking News

The year-end deadline created by the new Republican tax bill touched off a last-minute scramble among millions of Americans, including China. The new Republican tax…

Iranian Protesters Take to the Streets of Iran to Protest Iranian Stuff
International Affairs

Iranian Protesters Take to the Streets of Iran to Protest Iranian Stuff

Posted on December 31, 2017 by The Fucking News

In response to a mounting sense of Iranian stuff, Iranian protesters took to the streets of Iran over the weekend, demanding changes to Iranian stuff.…

At the New York Times, Meritocracy Dies in a Dimly Lit Corner Booth at Mar-a-Lago
The Fucking Media

At the New York Times, Meritocracy Dies in a Dimly Lit Corner Booth at Mar-a-Lago

Posted on December 31, 2017 by The Fucking News

The New York Times landed an unmediated, unplanned interview with President Donald Trump last week, and used the rare opportunity to redefine “landed” as “blew.”…

Uncategorized

In Memoriam – Norm

Posted on December 31, 2017 by The Fucking News

After a two-year battle with reality, Norm topped the list of celebrity deaths in 2017. Norm was one of the first modern-era celebrities known more…

Quickies

Trump-Free Briefs

Posted on December 31, 2017 by The Fucking News

An Army general who was in contention to serve as as the next commander of the U.S. Army in Europe has been denied promotion to…

Word of the Day

Word of the Day – Innerview

Posted on December 31, 2017 by The Fucking News

innerview ihn’•ərv•yoo (noun) An interrogatory discussion in which one party attempts to elicit from the other information that is of interest solely to the first…

Daily Planner

Your Daily Fucking Planner – July 5, 2017

Posted on July 5, 2017 by The Fucking News

9:30am — TFN readers recall that The Fucking News is still on hiatus and realize today’s edition is just a one-time thing thanks to the holiday…

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