Wall Street Bullish on K Street Senate Futures

Wall Street had an up day on soaring confidence in long-term futures outlooks for commodities such as Republican senators and a small index-traded fund that includes options on a handful of Senate Democrats.

Specifically, half a dozen anonymous Wall Street lobbyists said that they are already hard at work pushing Congress to roll back the Volcker Rule–which forces banks to gamble with their own money instead of yours, because otherwise when they lose your money, their losses are insured by also your money.

Wall Street’s K Street lobbyists are so confident they can put money in the pockets of Senate Democrats without being opposed by the people whose money that is, too, that they literally fucking revealed their shopping list to Reuters, a journalism company whose business model depends on distributing exactly that kind of information to millions of people.

Here are the friends of Main Street that Wall Street’s K Street streetwalkers are openly telling us they are eyeing for their support to ditch the Volcker Rule:

  • Angus King (I-ME)
  • Joe Donnelly (D-IN)
  • Jon Tester (D-MT)
  • Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND)
  • Joe Manchin (D-WV)

Wall Street told The Fucking News that if giving a global wire service the names of senators it hasn’t even started purchasing yet doesn’t succeed in getting the attention of its once and future victim taxpayers, it will consider other methods, such as opening a pizzeria to host its own Satanic child-sex ring.

more: Reuters