Trump Terminates Anti-Abortion Hope in Second Week, Before It Has a Face

Pres. Donald Fucking Trump on Monday reportedly terminated the hope of millions of abortion opponents even though their hope had developed sufficiently to feel pain during the procedure and cry little baby tears of losing.

NBC reported Monday that Trump had decided he did not want to have a little Justice William Pryor on the Supreme Court after all. Pryor has called Roe v. Wade an “abomination” similar to the abomination of jamming big government into freedom uteruses but totally different because ladies.

The remaining two judges reportedly on Trump’s shortlist are federal appellate court Judge Neil Gorsuch and beloved screwup Judge Reinhold. No, sorry, Judge Thomas Hardiman. If Pryor really is out of the running and/or uterine canal–because who the fuck knows anything anymore–that leaves two judges who both lack Pryor’s on-the-record opposition to Roe v. Wade.

Gorsuch has written no opinions on it, while Hardiman has been described as “ideologically enigmatic” on a broad range of issues, including issues concerning a range of broads. Which means even if Trump really is pro-life, he’s apparently not pro-life-term on the bench for a clear opponent of Roe v. Wade. Or he’s expecting to have to pay for a LOT of abortions over the next four years.

With the termination of the 54-year-old Pryor, the remaining shortlist still spans a diverse spectrum, from a 49-year-old white man to a 51-year-old man, leaving only 50-year-old white men out in the cold.

Trump’s shortlist previously included a woman jurist, 59-year-old Judge Diane Sykes. Trump is said to have dropped Sykes from consideration because he reportedly refused to believe it’s physically possible for women to be that old.

Trump is not the first president to shift positions on abortion, but historians broadly agree he is the first abortion opponent to have been personally responsible for abortions due to rape, incest, and to protect the life of the mother(s). The next hope for abortion foes is that Trump will get a chance to replace Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, now in her 335th trimester.

The due date for Tuesday night’s blessed event is 8pm. Trump is expected to choose a name by 7:55pm at the latest.