Trump Taps Son-in-Law As Senior White House Adviser on Issues Such as Legality of Tapping Son-in-Law As Senior White House Adviser

Pres.-elect Donald Fucking Trump yesterday named his son-in-law—super-nice kid, by the way, polite and respectful—as a senior White House adviser despite his failure to advise Trump that hiring a son-in-law makes Trump a father-out-law.
Jared Kushner, husband of Ivanka Trump, is a real-estate developer and publisher expected to advise the new president on a broad portfolio of issues including why’s it so hot in here, who’s that guy again, and what’s that button do.

Kushner’s personal and financial profile, however, poses several conflicts of interest, as well as possible violation of a 1967 anti-nepotism law that prevents officials from hiring children and in-laws at federal agencies.

Kushner’s advocates argue that the White House is not a federal agency, it’s a house. White House, duh. Sources close to Kushner tell The Fucking News both that they have their own driver’s licenses now, and and that Kushner wants the position badly enough that he is considering divesting himself of his real-estate holdings, newspaper, and wife.

Among possible conflicts that may raise legal or ethical concerns:

  • Company loans from a bank under investigation by the DOJ
  • Talks with Chinese interests about rescuing one of his properties
  • History of helping Donald Fucking Trump become president.
Kushner has said his politics changed when he began attending Trump rallies and heard detailed policy prescriptions from ordinary, average Americans who just wanted to murder Muslims and nearby reporters.

Unlike Trump, who inherited his money from his father, Kushner inherited his money from his father who inherited it from his grandfather. Discussing his real-estate developer father, Kushner elides the benefits of growing up wealthy [italics added for unfucking eliding]: “He’s given me everything I have in terms of the skills [money] and the training [connections to more money] and taught me about being a man [with other men’s money].”

Kushner once wanted to be a prosecutor, but decided that the law is too harsh on white criminals—WE MEAN WHITE-COLLAR CRIMINALS, OF COURSE!—saying out loud for real: “The law is so nuanced. If you’re convicting murderers, it’s one thing. It’s often fairly clear. When you get into things like white-collar crime, there are often a lot of nuances. Seeing my father’s situation, I felt what happened was obviously unjust in terms of the way they pursued him.”

His father’s “situation” was one of those situations where you’re convicted of crimes including witness tampering. “Tampering” being the legal term for that situation where you hire a prostitute to have sex with your own brother-in-law and send it to your own fucking sister to fuck with her situation.

Kushner said that his father’s non-black-collar crime spree persuaded him he could never put white people in prison, “I just never wanted to be on the other side of that and cause pain to the families I was doing that to, whether right or wrong. The moral weight of that was probably a bit more than I could carry.”

Instead, he will now carry the moral weight of doing it to the entire country.