Trump Files Paperwork to Launch New Line of Shoddy, Poorly Made Health Care

Pres. Donald Trump on Friday issued an executive order preparing the way for a new line of Trump health care that will complement previous Trump merchandise with its shoddy stitching, improper fit, failure to perform as advertised, its importation from outside the states, and likelihood of inspiring successful lawsuits.

The paperwork came in the form of an executive order directing federal agencies to “waive, defer, grant exemptions from, or delay the implementation of” any ObamaCare provisions that impose any financial burden on anyone anywhere in any way, not counting the financial burdens on everyone everywhere of people without insurance.

The move could pave the way for the end of the individual mandate, meaning millions of young, healthy people would likely drop their insurance, costing insurance companies millions of customers they barely had to service and raising premiums for everyone 30 and over who turned their knees to shit by jogging all the fucking time instead of watching The X-Files.

Like other useless Trump products, Trump’s new offer of letting insurers sell plans across state lines, as long as they follow each state’s regulations, would give consumers exactly what they already have now, but at the same higher price.