Trump Declares South Sudan Famine “A National Priority” for South Sudan 

The government of South Sudan and three U.N. agencies announced this weekend that a state of famine exists in regions of the country that are home to 100,000 people, not counting the ones who have already died from having homes in a state of famine.

The Fucking Trump Administration responded immediately to the news, issuing a statement directly from the U.S. International Crisis Response Center in the Tiki Room at Mar-a-Lago.

At a hastily called news conference, Pres. Fucking Trump emerged from late-night meetings to tell The Fucking News, “We are working as fast we can to get South Sudan the urgent aid it needs from South Sudan. The U.S. is uniquely positioned to offer assistance in the form of funds, food, water, medical equipment, relief workers, and other resources that we will not be offering because NATO countries aren’t paying their fair share or something. What did Pence say? Go with that.”

An estimated 5.5 million South Sudanese, roughly half the country, will very roughly be at risk of death in the coming months, officials warn. One South Sudanese relief worker told TFN, “We were hoping President Trump might use his platform to call some attention to our need for help, and international intervention to get the food through, but we understand that most of the world is focused on helping those who are suffering in Sweden at this difficult time.”

Fucking Trump’s plans to do nothing about death by starvation were overshadowed in global indifference only by Fucking Trump’s plans to actively facilitate the creation of a new, free-market, famine enterprise zone in Yemen, according to a report in the Huffington Post.

According to HuffPo, the Trump State Department has eased off of language the Obama Administration had been using to discourage Saudi Arabia from bombing a rebel-held port in Yemen that humanitarian workers rely on for shipping in desperately needed food supplies. It’s not clear whether the language was changed deliberately by State Department hawks eager to crack down on the Iranian-backed rebels, or by Trump Administration incompetents eager to make it through one single fucking night without shitting the bed.