Trump Calls for Repealing Disastrous Health Care Plan Only if Replacement Disaster Ready Soon After

Pres.-elect Donald Fucking Trump yesterday said that he wants the “catastrophic” ObamaCare law repealed as soon as next week, and that it must be replaced “very quickly or simultaneously” to ensure the nation does not long suffer the absence of a catastrophic health-care law.
House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) echoed Trump’s remarks, saying Congress must replace the horrible law “concurrently” with its repeal. A growing number of senators have likewise insisted that the nation should not be forced to go without this devastating law for too long before it is replaced.

The Republican call for replacing¬†catastrophes as soon as possible after they are ended will find its way into a broad range of federal policy, according to a Trump adviser who spoke to The Fucking News anonymously because how the hell would anyone know who’s leaking in that shitcircus of an administration.

New policy initiatives now under way include:

  • Pulling federal aid from local fire departments that extinguish major blazes before preparing blueprints for at least a dumpster fire as replacement,
  • Withholding research grants from cancer researchers until after they prepare replacement injections of benign neoplastic cells,
  • Banning use of the Heimlich Maneuver at public restaurants before ordering a replacement bowl of vichyssoise,
  • Delaying all state and federal executions until new baby murderers are born.

After some reorganization at the federal level, the new policies will be carried out by the Federal Emergency Replacement Agency and the Centers for Disease Control and Replacement.