Seven Quickies

  1. More than 200 Republicans unwilling to hold town halls with the public have been diagnosed with a non-pre-existing allergy to constituents.
  2. Michigan–personal educational testing grounds for Educraycraytion Secretary Betsy DeVos–showed the lowest test-score gains in the nation, at least until DeVos helps the nation catch up.
  3. In a novel marketing tactic, several local businesses made a bid for national attention by firing more than 100 workers who missed a day of work to participate in last week’s Day Without Immigrants.
  4. Pres. Fucking Trump told his rich buddies they’re “the special people” and lots of other insane shit, on a secret audiotape as if he wouldn’t happily say it on TV.
  5. The Trump Adminisylum is planning to sell its budget proposals as fiscally viable by changing math to make numbers add up to what they want them to.
  6. Environmental Protection Agency chief Scott Pruitt in his first interview said the EPA will stop Ping the E because courts are already considering whether it should, thanks to lawsuits he filed saying it should.
  7. Trump Vineyard has requested visas for more foreign workers because none of the 25 million workers Trump says he will create beautiful jobs for is qualified to pick his shitty-ass grapes.