Senate Finds Secretary of State Nominee Kind of Dickish, But Not Full-On John Bolton

At his confirmation hearing to serve as America’s top diplomat yesterday, former ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson told senators, “If anyone would venture to imply that I might in any way be less than diplomatic, they can kiss my oil-covered ass and then shove it up their fuckin’ ass.”

In a sometimes combative-but-not-in-a-way-that-jeopardizes-confirmation hearing, Tillerson acknowledged the reality of climate change and the reality of having to do something about the reality of climate change.

Tillerson was also pressed by senators on whether Exxon had lobbied Congress against sanctioning Russia, which you would think they would know since they are Congress. Although Tillerson acknowledged that cyberattacks are bad, mmkay, he also said Congress shouldn’t mandate sanctions against countries that cyberattack us, because some of those sanctions could cost us precious fucking money. #Patioritism!

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) got into some testy exchanges with Tillerson, raising speculation that Rubio might not vote to confirm him, and raising speculation of how thoughtful and principled he’ll look when of course he votes to confirm him.