The charity Oxfam reported Monday that eight individual men hold the same wealth as the poorest half of humanity, an estimated total of $532 billion. The eight men are listed here along with their estimated assets in US dollars and their estimated holdings of shame for fiscal year 2015.
- Bill Gates – $75 billion, 0
- Amancio Ortego – $67 billion, 0
- Warren Buffet – $60 billion, 0
- Carlos Slim – $50 billion, 0
- Jeff Bezos – $45 billion, 0
- Mark Zuckerberg – $45 billion, 0
- Larry Ellison – $44 billion, 0
- Michael Bloomberg – $40 billion, 0
Once word got out about who has the money, The Fucking News has learned, its original owners began assembling a motley crew of 3,499,999,992 to get it back by pulling off the greatest heist in history
Members of the ad hoc crew boast a wide range of specialties, including combat skills for fighting over water, foraging for garbage, and rapid attachment of fun cat decals to more than 100 smartphone cases in under a minute.
The complex plan, timed down to the last minute, involves digging through miles of socio-political norms and detonating tons of bullshit journalism.