New GM Fueled By Trump Tax Breaks, Human Flesh

General Motors announced yesterday that it will spend $5 billion this year to buy shares of General Motors, which is itself. The news came just ten days before the inauguration of a president who says companies need tax breaks so they can have enough money to hire workers, which is people.

GM’s plans mean that this year it will be fueled less by gas than by tax dollars and the flesh creatures that produce it. This hybrid is expected to allow GM to keep costs low and hiring lower.

GM CEO Mary Barra announced in Detroit yesterday that the company–which paid $0 in taxes for 2015, before Trump’s tax cut–expects to make enough money this year to add $5 billion to its originally announced $9 billion in stock buybacks.

Stock buybacks boost share prices, which boost compensation packages of the corporate executives who order the stock buybacks, which is themselves. Barra, for instance, added more than $7 million to her 2015 take-home pay thanks to the performance of GM’s stock.

In addition, as Bloomberg put it, “Barra said GM is adding $1 billion more in reductions to its cost-cutting plans.” Adding to reductions? That’s right, GM has saved so much money not paying taxes, it is now able not to hire more workers, but to spend one billion fucking dollars on hiring fewer workers.

What are GM’s cost-cutting plans that it will under-undertake while buying $5 billion in GM stock? For one, the company announced last year it can get a 20%-40% discount by going to China to buy complex dies used for stamping out auto body parts and U.S. jobs.

For another, the day after Election Day, GM announced simultaneously both that it will lay off 2000 workers this year and spend $900 million upgrading facilities to require fewer humans for the lifetime of those humans, or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.

GM’s use of its tax savings to line their own pockets with the sweat of soon-to-be-unemployed taxpayers comes just a few years after those taxpayers shelled out $50 fucking billion to save the company, which at the time was secretly killing at least 124 people by not telling anyone that its ignition switches killed people.

more: Bloomberg