In Memoriam – Norm

After a two-year battle with reality, Norm topped the list of celebrity deaths in 2017. Norm was one of the first modern-era celebrities known more for their fame than for actually accomplishing anything.

Norm maintained homes in New York and Washington, where he was toasted for decades as a pillar of society, despite having had a hand in misbegotten military adventures and devastating economic policies. Norm first rose to prominence claiming repeated abuses by organized labor and then by civil-rights activists. The court of public opinion eventually ruled in favor of both movements, however.

Norm is survived by a sprawling U.S. military presence around the globe. It died peacefully in bed surrounded by close pundits. The middle class sent a statement regretting that it was unable to attend a memorial service, as it, too, is dying.