GOP Eyes Crackdown on Constituent Fraud

Attendees at Chaffetz town hall Thursday hold up
signs reading “Disagree,” which is Mormon slang
for “Eat a dick, you shit-snuffling fuck-knuckle.”
(photo: AP)

Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT), chair of the House Oversight Committee, claims that people who disagreed with him at his town hall last week were not Utah residents, but paid agitators, raising the specter of rampant constituent fraud.

Systemic constituent fraud has been reported at several Republican town halls, and would explain how people might appear to disagree with losing their health insurance, poisoning their water supplies, and letting Wall Street shits do more Wall Street shit.

Constituent fraud can come in several forms, such as passing oneself off as holding dead values, such as the integrity of public officials, the value of organized labor, environmentalism, and basic human rights.

The Fucking News has also learned that the widespread problem of constituent fraud may require the passage of legal measures to prevent it, such as dissenter IDs, which dissenters could obtain at the nearest federally funded abortion clinic on alternate Grunsdays.