An interrogatory discussion in which one party attempts to elicit from the other information that is of interest solely to the first party and not to any readers who might not have cushy fucking health plans or financial stability or white privilege or business cards or whatever the fuck.
Ex. “Mr. President, what a surprise to find you here at the place you always are! I’m only a New York Times reporter, so I’m not prepared to ask you any substantive questions about current news issues such as Puerto Rico or taxes or future issues such as the privatization of America’s infrastructure, but would you be willing to do an innerview anyway?”
“Okay, but make sure you don’t ask any follow-up questions, so people can focus on that rather than on the shitty original questions.”
“But–I mean, okay!”
A temporary pause or suspension, especially as of a patriotic holiday weekend that allows reflection on how much one’s country is fucked up; also, a publishing break during which one’s utter contempt for one’s own writing grows to epic proportions.
Ex. “Wait, are you going to be publishing The Fucking News on a regular basis again now?”
“No. We’re still on ihatus.”
Any governmental headquarters crammed with a physically impossible amount of details about contacts, financial dealings, conflicts of interest, and other incriminating-as-shit-looking-but-who-the-fuck-knows information about the leader of the free world and apparently everyone he’s ever fucking met.
Ex. “How come this information keeps coming out in dribs and drabs, preceded by denials and obfuscation, rather than just being up front about it?”
“Everything Trump is shitty that way because they don’t manufacture in America; it’s all made in the Kramlin. Putin’s orders.”
A condition afflicting many critics of ObamaCare repeal on the left, such as The Fucking News, characterized by symptoms such as responding to the coming tsunami of tragedy with discharges of dark humor; fatal if not treated with regular doses of activism and exercise of the right to free speech and civic engagement.
Ex. “Looks like another case of snarkoidosis. What do you recommend, doctor?”
“Where did the patient contract it, nurse? I’m not going to lose another one. Not on my watch! Not today, DO YOU HEAR ME, SNARKOIDOSIS?!?”
“They contracted it at The Daily Show. It’s been untreated for months.”
“Damn it all to hell! Then we’re…too late.”
A pernicious and historic antipathy toward Jewish people, institutions, history, and traditions that in extreme cases leads Jews and Democrats to engage in efforts to make it appear as though Jews are the targets of pernicious and historic antipathy, which is exactly what they’d like you to believe which is why they use their media companies to blow anti-Semitism out of proportion to distract you from their real goal of world domination.
Ex. “What’s another word for anti-anti-Semitism?”
“And what’s another word for neo-Nazi?”
“Got it. Thanks, Anne.”
bak’•dad (proper noun)
The capital city of Iraq; known for its architecture, museums, suicide bombings, and vast deposits of magnetic ore capable of attracting Republican presidents from thousands of miles away.
Ex. “Mr. President, here are the plans for your invasion of Backdad.”
“These say 2003 on them.”
“Honestly, sir, does it fucking matter?”
“No, you’re right. Fuck am I thinking? Looks good!”
Of or related to an image, sensation, or account that has been rendered fuzzy; especially regarding memories of what past norms and standards used to be before your guy won the Electoral College vote.
Ex. “The White House is illegally using private devices, email accounts, and texting apps to send official communications; they got civilians, civilian children, an American child, and an American soldier killed on a questionable mission in the Middle East that apparently didn’t have all the appropriate measures to secure their safety. Aren’t those pretty much the conditions that you thought merited several, years-long congressional investigations of Hillary Clinton, congressman?”
“You know, now that you say it that way it kind of sounds familiar? But my memory’s a little benghazy on what we’re supposed to investigate ever since we got a Russian president.”
day•ma voo’ (noun)
A subtle sensation experienced by Democrats when their party appears poised to reiterate at its internal leadership level the same mistakes it just fucking made not only in the last general election but for the last two midterms, thousands of local races, other midterms, most of its media appearances, rural organizing, urban organizing, presidential elections, and every fucking thing those former student-body presidents do from the moment they wake up in the morning, look themselves in the mirror, and vow never to piss off anyone in power.
Ex. “Hey, isn’t the Democratic National Committee election tomorrow? What’s that feeling called when–”
“Oh, right. Shit.”
To festoon or decorate sacred land–i.e., any land–with natural colors such as blood red, or watercolors such as petroleum shit-brown.
Ex. “Did you catch the exhibit at Standing Rock? It just ended.”
“Nah, I couldn’t be bothered. Some rich Texas dude wants to dappl away on some remote, god-forsaken tribal lands far the fuck away from me? Whatever.”
“I hear you. No worries, I’m pretty sure they’re taking the exhibit on the road. It’ll come here soon enough.”
To depart one nation under coercion or threat of force in order to return to a country that is not one’s home or to which one has never even fucking been, even though parts of it are very nice and the reports of rampant criminality are mostly overblown and primarily limited to specific regions.
Ex. “Get out of here, you illegal! Mexigo home!”
“But, Mexico isn’t my home!”
“Fuck you, Beaner! Mexico, Guatemala, whatever, it’s all the same! Mexigo already!”
“Dude, I’m from Idaho.”
“Ha! Prove it!”
“Well, I don’t have any ID on me. I must have dropped it at the voting site where I had to bring it to prove I’m alive.”
“Ah-ha! I knew it! Time to get Mexigoing. Get your wetback Idaho ass over that border.”
“Uh, okay. Hey, wait. I can’t”
“What are you talking about? Why not?”
“There’s a wall.”