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Category: BFD

Today’s BFD

Trump Approves Permanent Residency for Foreign Elements: Methane, Mercury, Arsenic, Fear
BFD

Trump Approves Permanent Residency for Foreign Elements: Methane, Mercury, Arsenic, Fear

Posted on January 30, 2017 by The Fucking News

Eager to demonstrate their openness to legal immigration, congressional Republicans today will begin the process to ensure that America remains a safe harbor for elements…

Trump Frees America from the Endless Red Tape That Holds Back Chaos, Death
BFD

Trump Frees America from the Endless Red Tape That Holds Back Chaos, Death

Posted on January 25, 2017 by The Fucking News

The federal government moved swiftly on Wednesday to relieve the burdensome yoke of life-saving government intrusion. An array of agencies responded to a blanket order…

BFD

Nation Rejoices as Trump Launches Presidency with Bailout of MMIF

Posted on January 22, 2017 by The Fucking News

Raised Mortgage Rates ‘Just in Time,’ Say One Million Grateful Homeowners Pres. Donald Fucking Trump on Friday bailed out the federal Mutual Mortgage Insurance Fund,…

Trump Boasts Half-Full Cabinet for Launch of Half-Assed Presidency
BFD

Trump Boasts Half-Full Cabinet for Launch of Half-Assed Presidency

Posted on January 19, 2017 by The Fucking News

Donald Fucking Trump will take the oath of fucking office as president of the goddamn fucking United States of Jesus Fucking America Christ tomorrow. And…

Possible Loss of Insurance for 32 Million Sparks Panic Among Insurance Execs Worth More than $32 Million
BFD

Possible Loss of Insurance for 32 Million Sparks Panic Among Insurance Execs Worth More than $32 Million

Posted on January 18, 2017January 18, 2017 by The Fucking News

The Congressional Budget Office on Tuesday released a report estimating that last year’s ObamaCare repeal bill, if signed into law by Pres. Donald Fucking Trump,…

Trump Vows To Make American Health Care Cheaper, Faster, Better, and with Bigger Tits
BFD

Trump Vows To Make American Health Care Cheaper, Faster, Better, and with Bigger Tits

Posted on January 17, 2017 by The Fucking News

Defying the age-old adage—”Faster, better, cheaper — pick two”—Pres.-elect Donald Fucking Trump said this weekend that his health-care plan will be accomplished with all three,…

BFD

To Save America From Obama’s Blizzard of Federal Rules, GOP House Passes Blizzard of Federal Rules

Posted on January 12, 2017 by The Fucking News

As Americans danced and frolicked in a veritable golden shower of pee jokes yesterday, the House of Reprehensibles took a massive, steaming dump on them, their…

BFD

New GM Fueled By Trump Tax Breaks, Human Flesh

Posted on January 11, 2017 by The Fucking News

General Motors announced yesterday that it will spend $5 billion this year to buy shares of General Motors, which is itself. The news came just…

BFD

Trump Taps Son-in-Law As Senior White House Adviser on Issues Such as Legality of Tapping Son-in-Law As Senior White House Adviser

Posted on January 10, 2017 by The Fucking News

Pres.-elect Donald Fucking Trump yesterday named his son-in-law—super-nice kid, by the way, polite and respectful—as a senior White House adviser despite his failure to advise…

BFD

SPECIAL REPORT:  Trump Gets Played on Job Creation By the Corporate Big Boys

Posted on January 6, 2017 by The Fucking News

In someone else’s special report that we’re Very Special Reporting on, The Intercept yesterday revealed that the cornerstone of Pres.-elect Donald Fucking Trump’s entire job-creation…

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