Your Daily Fucking Planner – Jan. 1, 2018

12:00:01am — Drunken dudes at parties around the country kick off the new year by ceremonially launching thousands of new #metoo stories
3am — The sale of recreational marijuana becomes legal in California
3:15am — Hundreds of Hollywood producers and executives abruptly end long-term friendships with that seedy, sun-weathered guy of no apparent means of support who sometimes came over to hang out and chill for no longer than ten minutes
(all times EDT because fuck the Heartland)