Elite Sean Spicer Unit Mounts Daring Commando Raid on Sean Spicer’s Credibility

An elite team of Really White House Press Secremaybe Sean Spicer on Monday carried out a daring, post-dawn raid on multiple strategic targets surrounding the credibility of Sean Spicer. Spicer launched the bold assault to defend Pres. Fucking Trump’s half-assed decision-making based on half-baked intelligence to launch a SEAL team raid in Yemen during his first week in office.

The raid produced multiple American casualties–including two fatalities; a Navy SEAL and an 8-year-old civilian girl–and killed a shit-load of local people who were on a list of known local people. On Monday, Spicer was able to take out Spicer’s credibility with a single shot, saying that electronic equipment seized in the raid “was successful in helping prevent a future attack or attacks on this nation.”

Spicer’s claim that Fucking Trump has somehow already prevented a future attack or attacks without anyone knowing about it left Spicer’s credibility mortality wounded and unable to be rescued due to a violent crossfire of both contradictory facts and fucking logic.

For one thing, Spicer offered no detail on one attack or more than one attack, nor did he specify how it and/or they were prevented, or whether anyone or anyseveral were captured and/or arrested and/or killed in the process of preventing a future attack or attacks on this nation. For another fucking thing, Spicer’s mortally wounded credibility was fatally finished off Monday night when NBC News reported that senior officials say there has been no sign of significant intelligence resulting from the Yemen raid.

The Fucking News has learned that the Spicer raid also was unable to find any signs of intelligence whatsoever. Trump officials, however, said that to denigrate the raid on Spicer’s credibility was to denigrate those who contributed to the mission. “Spicer’s credibility died a hero, in service of this president’s vow to protect his own sense of not having killed a Navy SEAL.”

more: TPM, NBC