Your Daily Fucking Planner – Feb. 23, 2017

8:30am — Pres. Fucking Trump looks at his public schedule for the day, realizes his plan to list every fucking thing he’s scheduled to do is starting to backfire because it’s making people realize how fucking late he starts his workday and how little fucking work he’s doing–which is fucking fantastic when you think about it, but still plays into the seething hatred of his multitudes of hypocrisies
10am — Pres..Fucking Trump receives daily intelligence briefing, realizes this is the first item on his public schedule for the day, hastily instructs staff to jam in other shit, hell, include phone calls if you have to
10:30am — Pres. Fucking Trump meeting with manufacturing CEOs for an ensemble performance of My Policies Will Somehow Create Manufacturing Jobs
12:15pm — Pres. Fucking Trump speaks with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau by phone, realizes his public schedule now makes it look like he only has one phone call a day, adds dinner to his public schedule
2:30pm — Pres. Fucking Trump attends meeting on human trafficking, invites Melania, who declines
8:30pm — Pres. Fucking Trump attends dinner with business leaders, realizes his public schedule now makes it look as if he just spent six hours talking about human trafficking
(all times EDT because fuck the Heartland)