Trump Lawyer To Publish Russian Story as “Choose Your Own Adventure” Book

Michael Cohen, Pres. Fucking Trump’s attorney, is shopping around a book based on his own adventures in Russia that will let readers “choose their own adventure” as they go, just as he is doing.

The book will let young readers experience for themselves the thrills of navigating the secretive world of Russian intrigue. For instance, children ages 35 to 70 will get to decide on their own whether to lift sanctions on Russia or to continue punishing Russia for its support of Ukrainian separatists.

Cohen has already published four different endings in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider, and NBC News.

The Fucking News on Tuesday obtained its own exclusive excerpt:

“Michael called [Mr. Trump / Mr. Bannon / Gen. Flynn / Ivanka] to arrange for the hand-off of his secret plan to [lift sanctions / nuke Crimea / play some golf / eat a meatloaf.]”

The book is expected to be published in installments over the course of Cohen’s testimony in multiple law-enforcement and congressional investigations.