Senate Nominates the American People as Secretary of Cleaning Up the Deadly Goddamn Fucking Mess Scott Pruitt Is About To Make of Our Fucking Country and Planet 

The Senate on Thursday voted to move forward to a confirmation vote, expected Friday, on the nomination of Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt as the  man to lead the Environmental Protection Agency down the stairs, into the basement, and chain it to the radiator for the next four fucking years while his rich buddies shit in our water, air, and lungs.

The vote came despite the fact that some 3000 emails between Pruitt and the energy industry have yet to be released for senators to scrutinize the relationship between the two, who The Fucking News has learned were, in fact, fucking.

Pruitt’s history of accommodating polluters and opposing the EPA was too radical for one Republican, Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME). Nevertheless, two Democratic senators risked being singled out or otherwise made the focus of unfavorable coverage, by joining the rest of the Republican senators voting to advance Pruitt’s nomination. The Democratic senators in question were Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND) and Joe Manchin (D-WV)

Democratic senators hoping to stall Friday’s vote planned to hold another all-nighter, which Pruitt said was fine with him, because that would result in greater use of electricity.

Pruitt’s confirmation will mean no confirmation is needed for the American people to become Secretary of Cleaning Up the Deadly Goddamn Fucking Mess Scott Pruitt Is About To Make of Our Fucking Country and Planet.

The position is expected to include filing hundreds of lawsuits, fetching coffee for fellow protesters, and working the phones to relevant members of Congress and local officials every fucking day. The position comes with a lifetime term in office and will be handed down to our asthmatic children.

(We’re kidding! Everything’ll be fine! They were called SuperFund sites because they were awesome! Look it up!)

more: BuzzFeed