Trump Nominates Judge To Serve as Nation’s Chief Scapegoat for Things

Pres. Fucking Trump is already running into opposition against his nomination of Judge James Robart to serve as the nation’s top scapegoat the next time something happens. Robart had been considered a shoo-in after Fucking Trump first identified the respected jurist as the cause of the next thing.

In a Tweet on Sunday, Fucking Trump said, “If something happens, blame [Robart] and court system.”

Fucking Trump did not at the time identify who Americans should blame when something happens like a scandal at the Housing and Urban Development Dept. now being run a man whose primary qualification was tearing apart Siamese twins. Fucking Trump also did not suggest who to blame when something happens because Rick Perry forgets the third safety protocol for storing America’s nuclear weapons.

Those omissions raised eyebrows, given the unusual circumstances of A FUCKING PRESIDENT LECTURING PEOPLE ABOUT SAFETY AFTER HANDING RICK PERRY ACTUAL, NON-METAPHORICAL NUCLEAR WEAPONS.

The news that Robart would be responsible, along with an entire branch of the U.S. government, the next time something happens appeared to seal Robart’s confirmation as the nation’s top scapegoat, a post traditionally held by black poor people.

Although some Republican senators expressed concerns about Robart’s suitability for the post, it appeared they would ultimately confirm him.

However, in a hearing on Tuesday night, judges at the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit raised the possibility that Robart might not be qualified to take the blame if something happens. The three judges also questioned whether the Trump Adminisylum actually has the constitutional authority to allocate responsibility to Robart the next time something happens.

If Robarts is not confirmed, the Trump Adminisylum is expected to nominate the other party it mentioned, the United States judiciary, as the nation’s scapegoat the next time something happens.

Should that nomination also fail, however, The Fucking News has learned that Trump will as a last resort nominate America itself as the cause of us not being perfectly safe, like babies, if something happens. The concept of America would likely enjoy Republican and even some Democratic support in the Senate if nominated as its own scapegoat the next time something happens. The concept of America already has a long track record of keeping Americans unsafe, beginning with those Americans who first declared, “Give me liberty or give me unsafeness.” Such elements of the concept of America continue to put America in jeopardy even today: The concept that some things matter more than individual safety; the concept that freedom, autonomy, and collective action come with inherent risk, which is the difference between patriotism and giving in to terrorism, like a baby.

The Fucking News has learned that America has the votes to serve as America’s scapegoat if something happens, after having been confirmed more than 200 years ago.

more: WaPo