Seven Quickies

  1. The Trump Adminisylum has begun its war on charities that help refugees, just as America wanted
  2. The U.S. Senate on Monday is expected to confirm Betsy DeVos as education secretary and itself as an enemy of children
  3. Rapists would be able to sue their victims to stop them from getting an abortion, thanks to a new bill from the family-values state of Arkansas that was introduced to promote the new Netflix series, The Handmaid’s Tale, coming soon
  4. The Army is now taking public comments regarding allowing the completion of the Dakota Access Pipeline, which is expected to be completed despite public comments
  5. Iowa’s Secretary of State wants to make Iowans show ID before voting, but does not want any additional funds to tell them that
  6. The Army secretary nominee withdrew from consideration due to conflicts of interest, which in this climate must mean he was laundering money from his gay/feminist child-sex-slave pizzeria/mosque/spoken-word poetry lounge/abortion clinic.
  7. The U.S. has leveled new sanctions against Iran because Iraq got a long turn last time and it’s only fair to give someone else a turn.