Senate Democrats Vow To Filibuster Supreme Court Nominee, Seek Treatment for Sudden Growth of Balls

Senate Democrats say they plan to filibuster Pres. Fucking Trump’s Supreme Court nominee, after doctors informed them that they had developed a pair of pendulous growths in the groinal area.

The stunning diagnosis was revealed Monday by Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-OR), who apologized for the metaphor’s gender-specific nature and said a gender-neutral metaphor such as a spine just wasn’t funny and also was offensive to invertebrates.

“This is the first time a Senate majority has stolen a seat,” Merkley said, referring to the Senate Republican refusal to consider former–FUCK THAT HURTS–Pres. Obama’s nominee, who was nominated by a black man.

This will be the second time in modern history a party has attempted to filibuster a Supreme Court nominee, assuming the Democratic sacs retain their size, relative hairiness, and TV-news-friendly pendulousness.

One Democratic senator who spoke to The Fucking News on condition of fictionality conceded there is every chance in the world the sudden swelling will subside, leaving Senate Democrats with no spherical sacs in the groinal area whatsoever.

He added, “The bigger problem is what if they don’t go away? We don’t have the office space to accommodate the enormous set the people are prescribing for us right now. We have no experience handling anything of this size. Of our own, anyway.”

UPDATE: Looks like they’re in remission already.

 more: Politico