Trump Fucks Up Fucked-Up Executive Order Thanks to Fucked-Up, Epic Fuckups by Team of Fuckups 

In his very first presidential action to actually affect actual people, Pres. Donald Fucking Trump fucked up more fuckedably than even his biggest fucking critics imagined. He managed to implement a fucked-up border-crossing policy that would have been fucked up even if most refugees weren’t women and children, and even if it featured not a single one of the following incomplete list of sub-fuck-ups:
  • Rebuffed by five judges
  • Announced on Holocaust Remembrance Day
  • Announced on the first Holocaust Remembrance Day on which a US president forgot to never forget Jews
  • Announced on a Holocaust Remembrance Day on which a US president said the day should not focus on any single group, and so forgot all of them
  • Was defended after his no-single-group defense of Holocaust Remembrance Day with a Tweet that focused his border-crossing policy on one single group. A group that suffers fewer losses than Muslims do:

  • Accidentally banned Jews in his Muslim Ban, because he forgot to never forget to exclude them in his executive order, too
  • Included green-card holders, then didn’t, then did
  • Included green-card holders because Steve Bannon wanted to
  • Featured extreme lack of vetting of his policy of extreme vetting
  • Hampered research on tuberculosis
  • Hampered research on treating diabetes (aside from the executive order’s own treatment for diabetes: Preventing healthy people from entering American air- and food-space)
  • Stranded an Oscar nominee, an Olympian, and Others
  • Put an Iraqi interpreter who risked his life for Americans in handcuffs
  • Triggered threats of Iraqi retaliation
  • Triggered threats of Iranian retaliation
  • Triggered threats of ISIS retaliation
  • Boosted ISIS recruitment
  • United Iraq, Iran, and ISIS for the first time in Trumpstory
  • Separated families from their children
  • Separated children from their families
  • Targeted countries whose people have not targeted us
  • Targeted countries whose people we have targeted
  • Omitted countries whose people have targeted us
  • Omitted countries targeted by Trump’s business plan
  • Made New York taxi drivers popular
  • Cost Uber thousands of accounts (note: move to plus column?)
  • Hurt Silicon Valley (note: see note above)
  • Prioritized Christians according to Trump himfuckingself in an interview with a Christian on Christian television that aired on the Lord’s Day
  • Had its clever trick–of sawing the legal lady in half by putting a Syrian flag in one box and a Koran in the other–revealed by none other than former Mayor Rudy liani (note: Trump doesn’t single out Gius)

Even if Trump had not fucked this up in all those ways and more, even if the core sins of his action were not masked by the tangential uproar over all the fuckups in its execution, even if Bush and Obama had not set the stage and built the mechanisms to make this happen, even if the only people banned from this country were poor, non-diabetes-curing, non-agent-thanking, non-interpreting, unmarried, angry, young Muslim men, it still would have been the most colossal first-presidential-fuckup since Andrew Johnson failed to bury every last Confederate fucking traitor in an avalanche of shame and ignominy so vast its gravitational pull extended through time to save America from their proud descendants.

In a statement Sunday night, Trump clarified his position with exactly the kind of Freudian slips you get when your team of advisers consists of febrile ids made flesh. Specifically:

  • “America has always been the land of the free and home of the brave. We will keep it free and keep it safe…”

SEE HOW “BRAVE” MORPHED INTO “SAFE” THERE? Oh, well, Brave, we had a good couple centuries! We’re all infantilized now.

  • “This is not about religion – this is about terror and keeping us safe.”

Not terrorism, which is a tactic you combat. Terror. Which is an emotion you give into if you’re the second man-child out of the last three presidents. “This is about terror.” At last, something we can agree on.

more: Politico