After Weekend Tornadoes, Trump Cuts Through Red Tape in Long-Playing-Record Time

Pres. Fucking Trump on Wednesday night swiftly ordered the Federal Emergency Management Agency to swing into action and help residents of Mississippi, just 5760 minutes after tornadoes struck the southeast this weekend, killing 20 people.

The emergency loans and relief aid would have come only after a matter of days, experts estimate, if the president were still an experienced government bureaucrat rather than the chief executive of a streamlined, efficient private company.

As The Fucking News rereported on Wednesday morning–when we responded to the tornadoes like a streamlined, efficient, private company that already misses experienced government bureaucrats–local officials in the southeast praised Pres. Trump’s rapid response days before he even rapid responded.

One Georgia county official said on Monfuckingday, “I’m begging FEMA for boots on the ground…I’m asking Pres. Trump to cut through the red tape and get people on the damned ground here.”

Gov. Nathan Deal (R-GA) said on Wednesday that Trump told him, “My team tells me we’ve approved your application in record time.”

According to WhiteHouse.gov, FEMA is being run by Acting Administrator Robert J. Fenton. According to FEMA.gov, Robert J. Fenton is a career civil servant government bureaucrat of 21 years.