Trump supporters routinely demanded that in his first week in office the new president suspend or delay costly, overbearing, wasteful, tyrannical rules, which he has now accomplished with the following:
- Freeing oppressed Dentist-Americans to dump an extra five tons of mercury annually into our Freedom Sewers and ultimately our water supplies
- Liberating small businesses from bureaucratic federal investment dollars
- Ending preferential hiring treatment for special interests, specifically military spouses
- Empowering horse owners to continue hurting them to make them trot stylishly, a practice previously practiced by Trump himself on women
- Restoring America to the days when intrusive government bureaucrats didn’t waste our hard-earned tax dollars with pointless searching for cracks in passenger plane fuselages
Trump’s heroism comes almost exactly one month after December’s deadly truck attack in Berlin, which investigators have just determined was stopped by heroic European regulators who had bravely required emergency braking systems to be installed.
Trump supporters said they are planning a rally to thank him, but have not yet decided whether to travel to Washington by freedom car, liberty passenger plane, or cripple horse.