Tornado Survivors Report Trump Running FEMA Like a Business: One of His

Thanks to Pres. Donald Fucking Trump immediately ending government waste and inefficiency, survivors of the weekend’s tornadoes in the southeast are now getting federal relief aid with all the efficiency and responsiveness of the private sector–having spent four days on hold trying to get someone to help them.

The weekend’s tornadoes killed twenty people and destroyed hundreds of homes. One Georgia official said, “I’m asking President Trump to cut through the red tape and get people on the damned ground here,” adding exclusively to The Fucking News, “or end all funding for any group that ever mentions the word abortion, whichever he thinks is best.”

Gov. Phil Bryant (R-MS), said he reached out to the administration for help, and then whispered exclusively to TFN, “I wouldn’t mind the wait so much, but every time the Trump FEMA hold music is a song I like, the artist asks the Trump Administration to stop using it.”

Rescue workers combing through the countryside overnight for survivors say they found no sign of anyone who might have been nominated by Trump to lead FEMA.

UPDATE: On Tuesday, three days after the tornadoes struck, FEMA said it will provide relief to Georgia, whose governor said no, that wasn’t accurate, prompting FEMA to place Georgia on hold, then transfer Georgia to another department, which put Georgia on hold again, then transferred Georgia to a call center in Bangladesh, which asked Georgia to verify the account information Georgia had just fucking entered on its keypad, then transferred Georgia back to FEMA, which said they would have to get their manager, and put Georgia on hold.

more: NBC, h/t, AJC