Nation Rejoices as Trump Launches Presidency with Bailout of MMIF

Raised Mortgage Rates ‘Just in Time,’
Say One Million Grateful Homeowners
Pres. Donald Fucking Trump on Friday bailed out the federal Mutual Mortgage Insurance Fund, with only days to spare before it faced nothing close to bankruptcy. The MMIF is a Federal Housing Administration program that insures mortgages for low- and middle-income homebuyers who otherwise might not qualify for a home loan. Former-FUCK THAT HURTS-Pres. Obama had ordered a cut in the rate homebuyers pay for mortgage insurance that would have gone into effect this Friday if Trump had not heroically thrown himself in the path of the rate cut.

The rate hike on low- and middle-income Americans was accomplished thanks in part to the astonishing learning curve of incoming Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson, who testified that he would “really examine” the rate before making a decision and then apparently really examined it in just a few hours after Trump took office, and before Carson himself was even confirmed by the Senate.

Thanks to the administration’s swift action–which Trump modestly did not even campaign on as one of his first-day priorities–an estimated one million low- and middle-income homebuyers will now be able to contribute about $446 extra a year on their mortgage insurance to preserve the MMIF, which was facing nothing close to bankruptcy. The move to transfer an estimated $446 million from the hands of homeowners and into Washington for safe-keeping camejust hours after Trump told the nation he is transferring power from Washington and giving it back to the people.

The MMIF is mandated by law to retain at least 2% of its outstanding loan guarantees in cash on hand. It is currently well below that figure, at a mere 2.32%. Raising MMIF rates also makes private loans and loan insurance more competitive, which helps Wall Street–another top agenda item for Trump voters.


Pro-Trump supporters totally filling the National Mall on Friday.

At a rally on Inauguration Day to thank Pres. Fucking Trump for saving the federal government’s nowhere-near-bankrupt MMIF and giving Wall Street a desperately needed boost, at least 1.5 million homebuyers and prospective homebuyers filled the historic National Mall, as seen in the picture above.