To Save America From Obama’s Blizzard of Federal Rules, GOP House Passes Blizzard of Federal Rules

As Americans danced and frolicked in a veritable golden shower of pee jokes yesterday, the House of Reprehensibles took a massive, steaming dump on them, their children, and their futures, to virtually no notice whatsoever.

With five Democrats helping them out–because why the fuck not?–House Republicans decided that the best way to save America from freedom-killing federal rules was to pass more rules. Most of the new rules deal with the cost of existing federal regulations.

“Freedom” in the new House rules refers to the freedom of private, commercial enterprise to do whatever the fuck it fucking takes to liberate your money from your cheap-ass wallet–before you have time to donate it to the Warren2020 campaign–whether it’s by creating a fake Wells Fargo bank account in your name and then charging you fees on it or by cutting costs on the cars they sell you by installing airbags that explode in your face like a fucking ISIS IED.

“Cost” in the new House rules refers to the difference between the obscene profits corporations make with the federal regulations in place and the offensive-to-the-laws-of-nature profits corporations make without them.

In a rare show of inter-party divisiveness, Republicans only gave half of the new rules stupid, fucking infantile names. The new rules are:

  • Regulatory Accountability Act–forcing agencies to make regulations that are the least expensive they can be (for the company that will now be putting cancer in your drinking water, but expensive as fuck for you to treat it and/or die)
  • Require EValuation before Implementing Executive Wishlists (REVIEW) Act–blocks agencies from implementing any rule under legal challenge from the corporate legal-industrial complex just fucking waiting to tort the fuck out of every rule there is
  • ALl Economic Regulations are Transparent (ALERT) Act–requires agencies to estimate the cost (to capitalism) of new regulations under development so that people can get pissed about it because the agencies don’t have estimate the cost (to humans) of not regulating
  • Separation of Powers Restoration Act (SPR)–blocks courts from deferring to agency interpretations of the laws mandating regulation, so the legal-industrial complex can argue that Congress never intended to limit “freedom” if it “cost” something
  • Providing Accountability Through Transparency (PATT) Act–requires agencies to issue summaries in “plain language” of their regulations, similar to the “plain language” regulations on banks and other corporations that will now be rolled back
  • Small Business Regulatory Flexibility Improvements (SBRFI) Act–requires agencies to calculate not just direct costs, but knock-on effects for allegedly small businesses, while totally ignoring the knock-on effects on the small-business owners who will lose business because they have to stay at the hospital with their kid who drank deregulated water
more: Hill