Corporate Executives Charged with Crime; Like, Actual Individuals Held Fucking Responsible for Some Shit

While the Republican Congress gave former ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson a big ol’ co2gar for dodging questions about how many decades his company knew it was eroding America’s space-based defense system against the sun, the Obama Justice Department was charging auto executives with actual crimes for actual crimes.

Six Volkswagen officials were charged with whatever the crime is for putting bogus software in your cars so that emissions tests will show nothing worse coming out than Disney princess farts. The charges came as the company agreed to pay $4.3 billion for its role in being the company.

Volkswagen had hoped to wrap the case up before the new administration took over at the Department of Justice, a decision which just cost Volkswagen $4.3 billion, because Pres.-elect Fucking Trump probably would have given them a slap on the wrist and/or the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Kennedy Center Honors.

If found guilty, the six Volkswagen officials, who will now be prosecuted by the Trump Justice Department, could face lengthy parades and hefty job offers.

more: HuffPo