Sikorsky Transit Gloria: Sikorsky Settles Case of Chopper’s Unsettling Inability To Settle on the Ground Without Setting On Fire

The Sikorsky Aircraft Corp. has agreed to pay some money for killing three Navy crew members in January of 2014. The Sikorsky executives responsible will face no consequences for killing members of the American military because suck it, Guantanamo.
A Sikorsky MH-53E Sea Dragon caught fire in mid-air when its allegedly defective electrical wires shot a spark into a purported hole in a fuel line, just like Rube Goldberg designed it to do. The Navy has been replacing Sikorsky’s shitty wiring since it first discovered the problem back in 1987, before the youngest fatality was fucking born. That’s right, Petty Officer 3rd Class Brian Collins, 25, of Truckee, California, lived his whole life never knowing what it meant to live in a world free of shitty Sikorsky MH-53E Sea Dragon electrical-wire insulation.

In a statement an honest Sikorsky would have made, a spokesmurderer said, “Insulation costs money. Suck my balls.”

Pres.-elect Donald Fucking Trump is apparently going to make things all better, because earlier this week, he told Sikorsky’s parent company, Lockheed Martin, to start cutting costs.